Anti-Manipulation III: Advice Disguised as Sabotage/Brainwashing

One of my favorite fables is THE FOX WITHOUT A TAIL. It is a kid-friendly story, but also outlines one of the most important life lessons that people should consider when being influenced by anyone. Here’s a quick version.

It happened that a Fox caught its tail in a trap, and in struggling to release himself lost all of it but the stump. At first he was ashamed to show himself among his fellow foxes. But at last he determined to put a bolder face upon his misfortune, and summoned all the foxes to a general meeting to consider a proposal which he had to place before them. When they had assembled together the Fox proposed that they should all do away with their tails. He pointed out how inconvenient a tail was when they were pursued by their enemies, the dogs; how much it was in the way when they desired to sit down and hold a friendly conversation with one another. He failed to see any advantage in carrying about such a useless encumbrance. “That is all very well,” said one of the older foxes; “but I do not think you would have recommended us to dispense with our chief ornament if you had not happened to lose it yourself.”

There are advice literally on every subject by nearly everyone. Everyday, the media, our family, our friends, our peers bombard us with different type of information. Same goes for the books/instructional videos that are out there. Different authors will provide sources of information that could conflict with another author. There are so many multiple perspectives on so many different subjects that it’s really hard to tell whether something is a fact, an opinion, an art of fiction or a comforting lie. It is really hard to determine the “best” advice for each unique individual. What one piece of advice that works for an individual may be terrible for another. Finding the right content for each person can be a journey for some in itself.

Out of the advice that are available out there, a subset of these advice are not genuine recommendations for our personal growth. There are selfish and manipulative individuals who are out there to sabotage/brainwash others. The methodology of this manipulation is through “seductive” advice that seems useful on the surface but can be personally devastating when actually applied. Likewise, if you have been seduced by a person, you are much more likely listen to their advice, even if it seems destructive.

I myself have suffered a few circumstances where I listened to someone else’s advice, applied it and rather than being in a better situation, actually landed me in a worser situation. It’s through personal experience and research that have helped me establish some guidelines when it comes to receiving and applying a person’s advice. Here are a few green flags and red flags that I now employ when considering a person’s advice.

Redflags

• If the advice is about a certain person/group, it could be possible the speaker is trying to turn you against or for a certain person/group
• If the advice seems to be about seeking pleasure & avoid pain, the speaker could be trying to make you weak and lazy somehow; especially if the advice involves rejecting delayed gratification
• If the advice is too vague, sugar-coated or too “hopeful”, the person is trying to make you feel better, not actually help you
• If someone doesn’t really know you, then randomly interject a piece of advice nowhere, without fully understanding your personal life struggles. It could be possible they’re likely have a selfish agenda and is trying to push you to serve that agenda somehow
• If the advice’s justification is based on morality rather than a benefit/cost analysis, then it could be a form of brainwashing to get you to do their bidding
• If the speaker is giving advice they have limited personal experience in, they could be trying to drag you down as a person
• If the person is too “different” from you, then they could be trying to turn you into them or trying to get you to do their bidding.

Greenflags

• If the person applies their own advice daily
• If the person has established themselves as an expert in a certain subject through their achievements
• If the advice involves any form of delayed gratification from you
• If the advice tells you both the positive and negative aspect of a decision
• If the advice has some harsh truths to it
• If the person has proven through their actions (not words) that they’re a admirable role model
• If the person knows you really well and has proven themselves to stay by both your good and bad times

These flags should not completely encourage or discourage you from factoring another person’s advice into a future decision, but instead be wary of the ones that are counterproductive to your personal growth as a person. As I mentioned earlier in Anti Manipulation I-Basics, it is possible certain individuals may be obliviously manipulating you. In some situation, it is best to listen to what they want to say but don’t give a reply. In some other situations, it is actually best to call out them for their unintended manipulation.