Anti-Manipulation VII : The Victim Card, Crocodile Tears, Wounded Gazelle Gambit

Every single of us have struggles that other people are not always aware about. All races. All socioeconomic backgrounds. All genders. All ages. All cultures. All religions. Our struggles help us relate/connect to other people better and every single one is an opportunity to help us develop into a better person.

However there are manipulative individuals who focus so much on their own pain/suffering/concerns that they dismiss and forget about others. They do this not because they are seeking a genuine connection, but they are out to get attention and manipulate others to “help” and “save” them. They’re essentially hoping to parasite and leech off another person’s generosity.

This is what the victim card manipulation strategy is all about. The victim card involves verbal expressions where the manipulator is talking exclusively about their pain, their suffering, their sadness, their fears, their disappointments, their guilt and shame. They emphasis and exaggerate details of their suppose misfortune in the hopes of trying to induce sympathy in the listener so the listener would give them whatever the manipulator wants.

Understand that every single person on this planet are both perpetrators and victims. Where there is competition for anything, there will also be winners/losers. Then when there are winners/losers, there will be inevitable “perpetrators” (winner) and “victims” (losers). This is where the victim card tactic comes in. The victim card tactic is often employed by “losers” to try to manipulate the “winners” into surrendering. It is another form of inflicting morality to brainwashing another.

Be warned that this manipulation tactic is all about enslaving the winners. Due to the competitive nature of the world, it is crucial everyone try to become the best version of themselves to stay competitive and effective. However, not everyone is like this and some would like to not do any work and let others do all the work.

Crocodile Tears

This is an more extreme form of the victim card tactic. Tears may produce sympathy in some people more than others. It is meant to be magnify the effects of the victim card manipulation tactic.

Wounded Gazelle Gambit

This is another extreme form of the victim card tactic. However it involves a manipulator purposely placing themselves in an unfortunate circumstances to make themselves seem like a victim.

Reversal : Countering The Victim Card

The victim card tactic is only acceptable when the victim was actually in a situation beyond their control (Example : got stuck in an elevator and was late for work), all other situations can lead to manipulative result.

For the victim card manipulation tactic to be successful, the victim must seemingly come from a position without power. Hence to defuse the effectiveness of this tactic, ask them if they’re open to opportunities for personal growth to increase their personal power. Offer them opportunities where they are given resources/direction on living a more happier or productive life. We’re all victims and all of us can choose to react to our circumstances in better ways. It is how we choose to react to an unfortunate event that determine whether we will become a person liked by society or a manipulative leech.

If they reject the opportunities through, they are merely seeking attention. You may choose to listen as a sympathetic ear but be careful that when you listen to their words of victim hood mentality, you will be infected with their negativity. Keep your listening at a minimal or you may find that you will be dragged down to their level as well. On the hand, be wary of individuals who seem to have the same issue over and over again. These people are not interested in your generosity, they’re looking for attention and an enabler. They are merely using the Wounded Gazelle Gambit on you.

If they do accept the opportunity, be wary of how they react to the offer. Some people may simply listen and pretend to accept your offer.

Whether they accept or reject your offer, it is important to also gauge whether they’re looking for someone to listen to or looking for actual help from other. A key deciding factor is that the victim card tactic is used by people with delayed gratification issues. These people have poor work habits and/or poor relationship skills. So before you listen to the person’s misfortunes, pay attention to their work habits and the quality of their relationships. Check whether their misfortune(wounded gazelle gambit) is self caused or actually a twist of fate. The better their work habits/relationship quality, the less they’re intending to manipulate you. Here are a list of expectations you can have for people who are just seeking someone to listen to them but not seek your help :

— if they take personal responsibility for their misfortune instead of deflecting blame

— if they also discuss topics that relate to fun, entertainment, pleasure or joy instead of focusing only on the negative

— if they are also interested in getting to know and help with another person's struggles instead of every conversation about them